Nobody Checks On MEN: Empty Nest, Ex Reviews & J. Cole | Ep. 13

Intro

0:25What's up, y'all? Welcome to the Black and Victorious podcast. I am black. And I am victorious. But I'm also victorious. And I'm also very black.

0:35What's up with you, my G?

0:38We out here. We out here, Ali. What's up with you, dog? I'm good, man. I'm blessed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Same on this side, dog. Same on that side. Same on this side. Man, my man, you look blessed a little bit. You know what I'm saying? Alright, okay. Yeah, you look a little bit blessed. I look a little bit blessed. I don't know what that means. I just feel like you're about to go somewhere with that.

0:56I'm just saying, you just, you just, you know, you you you look blessed. I mean, of course, you can get more blessings. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But you just look like you, yeah, you had a nice uh uh size of blessings come your way.

1:10Yeah, I mean, I you know, I think it's the overflow, man. You know what I'm saying? Overflow, overflow of blessings all the time, though. You know what I'm saying? You know, yeah, yeah. I appreciate you, you know, respecting the blessings. Yeah, yeah,

Your Sweatsuit Is TOO Loud

1:22yeah. You know, yeah, yeah.

1:23That's you can't move too much, though, dog. Why is that? Because your suit is loud, young. Your sweatsuit is loud, it's real friction-y. Like it, I just keep it just like white noise.

1:37Yeah, how'd you hate on my sweatsuit? I'm not I'm not hating the money.

1:41I'm just saying that it's just I'm just saying that your sweatsuit is very vocal. That's all I'm saying. It's audible. My turn is vocal. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. Ah, okay, okay.

1:57I what did your uh what did your hoodie say it wants?

2:01Well, my hoodie says, uh, I'm free. I'm free. I'm on my way.

2:05That junk say, I think it's saying that it wants to be the co star in WWE. That junk, the cutoff hoodie. The cutoff. I mean, what you like I got this from you. You got what from me?

2:18I got you did not, I did not give you that hoodie. You didn't give me the hoodie, but you get like you always wearing cut off hoodies, yeah. You even wear crop crop hoodies, yeah. Yeah, and you crop them yourself. It's not even like you buy them. You like, hey, I got this sweatsuit. I think I want to, I think I wanna crop this sweatshirt.

2:35Nah, you know, I I cut the bottom off a few of them, but I I know and my belly button ain't out. It ain't it ain't it ain't that extreme. Come on, let's, you know what I'm saying? Because right now, that jump, don't hold on, let's let's focus on that. Let's focus on that Heather Gray Heather Gray. Let's focus on the Heather Gray cutoff, dog. Let's focus on that. You know what I'm saying? First day back, young. You just I'm chilling. I can tell. I can tell. Because you got vents, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. Yeah, you can help me breathe.

3:05You know, when you got guns, when you start getting guns, you got, you know what I'm saying, you gotta let them breathe.

3:09Yeah, I guess that's step one. Yeah. That's step one, right? Yeah, yeah. Because I, you know that's I think step two. Are you introducing? Because you know what I mean. Word on the street is you try and get the fish in that tank top jump.

3:23You know what's funny? So, we about to go on an anniversary trip. Oh, yeah. How many years? It's 10. Ah this will be our 10th year anniversary.

3:35All right, okay, decade.

3:36Yeah, so congratulations, brother. Thank you, brother. Congratulations. Um, I ordered something. You know what I'm saying?

3:44So disappointed.

3:45Go ahead, yeah. I didn't know it was gonna be like this. You know what I'm saying? I ordered it and it and and now that. This probably stressed me out. What you ordered, bro.

3:54That is like what did you order,

The Lace Short Set Vacation Debate

3:56dog?

3:57I mean, you know, I ordered like a uh it's it's a it's a short set, you know what I'm saying, with a with a uh button up like collar joint, you know, just a little summer type joint. Nah, something about it. It's something about it. Yeah, I'm trying to get to it. I'm trying to get to it. So when I ordered it, it was just, you know, I was like, oh, that look good. And then I got it in the day, and um it's like it it's it's like one or two steps. It's a it's close.

4:27Hold on.

4:28It's close to the to the to the fish network.

4:31It's close. What you mean? It's see-through? They don't lace.

4:37You got lace, male short set? You know, what you call the people who do this, do this, would they would they do it? Yeah, it's a lace, it's a knitted lace.

4:51It's not lace. Nah, yeah, it's not lace, nah, it's not.

4:56I think so. Yeah, because you can see the because you can see the tank top.

5:03But I'm what I think is when you go on vacation, though, like you know what I'm saying.

5:07It's okay for for you as a man to wear lace on vacation.

5:09It's not lace, man. I'm laced.

5:12If it's see through, it's not if it's see through, y'all. Is do you gotta wear the tank top underneath it for your nipples not to show? No, I don't think you'll be able to see my nipples. You don't think. You don't think, you're not sure. You're not sure.

5:25I because I didn't try them without a tank top, bro. I'm gonna wear it to the show one day. I swear to God, I'm gonna wear it to the show one day.

5:36No, young. That's crazy.

5:38Young, but we got a new set, young.

5:39Yeah, this joint tight, ain't it?

5:40This joint super tight, yeah.

5:42You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. We out here, you know what I mean. That's why you know we had to take a little, you know what we had to sharpen it up. You know what I'm saying? Sharpen it, sharpen the game. I I I really I I like the set, dog. I like it a lot, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I do too. I think it's real homey. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's real welcoming. It's chill. I just gonna be a problem though, because I know I'm gonna keep putting my foot up, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

6:02But you just want, you just want, you you always want to put your foot up on people's furniture.

6:06I mean, it feels like this is our furniture.

6:08It is our furniture, but I'm just saying though, you put your feet up on your furniture too.

6:12Yeah, I don't got no coffee table at the house, though. Oh, you don't? Nah. I got what you got against coffee tables? I don't have nothing against it. I just don't have one. Like, I I got like a little part of my couch, the little leg part. You know what I'm saying? Like the leg part of the couch. I got that.

6:29So, because you can put the you can put it's like a countertop leg joint.

6:34Countertop.

6:35I mean, you saying you got, oh, you talking about you got it where you can put your legs up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

6:39So it's like the new, it's like a little, yeah. I got a little like, yeah. So I got what you're saying. Yeah, I appreciate it, man. Yeah, no problem, man.

What We've Been Up To & The Empty Nest

6:47Yeah, no problem. So yeah, what you been up to, bro?

6:49Man, I've been I've uh I've been chilling, though. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Working, going to the gym, you know, uh doing some vacationing. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. With the homie. Yeah. You know, did it I did a vacation with with the wife too. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, just just living life. Uh kids doing well. Yeah. All of that type of stuff. How about you?

7:13Uh I'm good, man. I just I'm I'm empty nesting now. Yeah. You know, empty nesting.

7:20I I uh let's talk about that. Let's let's talk about that because you know, we had an episode where we talked about how you thought you would feel or how you thought you would act when King goes off to college. Yeah. Now he went off to college. Yeah. Did you act exactly like you said you was? Was you a wreck?

7:42I wasn't a wreck. I wasn't a wreck when I took him. But the days leading up to him going, I was a wreck. I was, yeah, it was it was tough. Like when those those like few days leading up to it. And then when I got home, once I took him and got home, it was And you came back to like the It's a different feeling. And I don't even know if that I see a lot of stuff online about like mothers when their children go to college, but I don't know. I you don't see a lot around the emotional response of fathers. You know what I'm saying? And you know, a lot of my homies took their children to college this year, and uh, yeah, dog, it didn't talk to them about it, yeah, yeah.

8:30Do they feel the same way?

8:32Very similar experiences. It feels like you letting like it feels like your homie is like you, you it feels like you lost a homie. Wow. That's what it feels like. Wow. And he creates a level of you don't really know what your children bring into your home. Yeah, he's like a um neutralizer, yeah. He's an energy. It's like a you know, so when we got home, you just really like the house is quieter, you know what I'm saying? And I only got one. So the house is quiet, is uh, and you there is absolutely no more responsibility for uh other than the responsibility you have for yourself. So it's it's it's a different feeling. But we talk, I talk to him all the time. He's managing, he going, you know what I'm saying? He he having his college experience. So I'm just trying my best to, you know, keep keep stay stay distant, but also stay connected at the same time. So you know what I mean?

9:30How how are you dealing with it though? Like, you know what I'm saying? How are you managing it? Because yeah, you talking, he's out having his, you know, jolly good time. But how how are you dealing with it? You know that Ayon, that's a good question.

9:42I think uh I am doing uh uh I think that I am have picked up more things on my schedule. So to occupy time, right? Not just to occupy time, but also just to live life a little bit differently, right? So I'm traveling more. Um I got like a my first like three-week vacation coming up real soon. Yeah, that's gangster. Three weeks is gangster vacation. Yeah, yeah, is um, yeah, I can't wait. Um also like picking up more, you know, side things outside of my own company, like doing things just for fun, ride my bike more, yeah. You know, just stuff like that.

How to Sit With Your Emotions

10:26I I just kind of and also one thing that I'm very intentional about is is staying still with my thoughts. So if I feel like I miss them, I'll I'll let that let that feeling in, you know, like and what what does what does what does that mean?

10:41Because I think a lot of times, you know, in in our conversations here, we're speaking and um we're talking about emotions. And I'll be honest, like this, this, this, like our conversations is just be wild. I'll be like, damn, I like it just seems whatever. But my point is, I would want, like, how do how what does it mean to sit with your thoughts?

11:04That's a that's yeah. So for me, what it what it looks like is identifying one is just the identification of what I'm feeling, okay. Naming it, right? Like, so a lot of times you you might miss, you might, I'm you might miss someone and feel angry, yeah, or feel sad, or feel, you know, all of these other emotions. Like there's this primary and secondary emotions. I don't I I feel like I don't know them well enough to start to really talk about them, but I but when I miss him, I try to identify what it what it is about it, and then I'll sit in it. So what I won't do is block it, and I won't try to busy myself to try to not feel it.

11:43So do you give yourself a certain amount of time to feel it? How do you know when sitting in it is over? Like, you know, I've I've lended enough time to this that I can, you know, get up about my day.

11:57A lot of times your body will let you know.

11:59Okay.

12:00Um, because emotions are just like water, they'll come in and they'll and they'll leave. Um, so my body some oftentimes will let me know. Um, sometimes I might reach out to them. Yeah. Like if I feel a certain way, or if I miss them, I'm like, oh, let me call them.

12:13Yeah.

12:13Right. And that that'll kind of get that energy out. Um, some people believe in journaling. I don't, uh, because it just doesn't do it for me. Uh, but me, I just kind of sit in it, I talk to my, I have conversations in my own brain about what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, and I allow it through. So, like, for example, when you when I was talking to you about those couple days before, yeah, uh before taking them, like I was, I I I said what I was feeling to him. And I said what I was feeling to my wife. I'm like, yo, I'm I'm I'm going through it right now. If I would go to the gym and I have a conversation with you, I'm like, bro, I'm going through it in this moment. Yeah. Like feeling this particular emotion and not being afraid to say whatever the emotion was. You know what I'm saying? Because it all it also feels like, yo, like, you sad? Like, what do you, you know what I'm saying? Like, a lot of times we'll start to judge the emotion rather than just let it be. So that's what I try to do.

13:04Yeah, you were sad though. Yeah, I was. But you see how you're laughing a little bit? I'm just saying, you know, nah, I'm just saying, you was you were sad. And I think that sometimes it's like I think it's important that you know, that we allow the because I can laugh at it, but at the same time, like, dog, you was you was feeling like mushy, and you know, and and and we deserve to feel that at times.

13:31No, 100%. But I think that because, but I'm also comfortable in

Why Men Run From Their Feelings

13:36a different way. So it's it's interesting. I'm glad you bring this up, and I'm glad we're having this conversation, right? Because there is a I think that we've built a relationship to know, like, even if we we make a joke, it's just like, I, you know that I can sit in this emotion. Yeah, but I think other times, especially for men, it's this idea that like you playing too much. You know what I'm saying? Like, sometimes you gotta be comfortable enough. And I'm not, of course, I'm not saying this here, but I think a lot of men run from it because they like they're so insecure that even when they somebody laugh about it or joke about it, it's like, oh, I can't, I can't have that feeling around my homies. Like, I can't, and what would end up happening is they'll block it or they'll try to uh they'll block it, not express it, or substance abuse.

14:21So I think I think the responsibility goes twofold though. I I think that yes, I think that this person can be overly sensitive, and I don't and I don't know if the proper word is overly sensitive, but they can be sensitive to it. But at the same time, this person over here, they have to know when they're taking it too far. You know what I'm saying? Like I think that it it's a it's a balance. Like with us, you know, I I I know that it's just certain things that I just don't feel comfortable with joking with. Yeah, yeah. But then once, you know, we get to a certain level, you know, all bets are off.

14:53Yeah, but it's so funny that but that I think the person even expressing it also has to have a level where they gotta be G'd up a little bit around who they like who they who they are, who they feel like they are, because part of like emotional expression as a man and being able to defy the stereotypical ideas of the feelings and emotions that you can't feel or can't feel, you gotta be able to, as a man, you gotta also be like, I'm what, yeah, I'm saying and what?

15:17Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

15:18Like, yeah, so what? Bold. You gotta be bold with the with the emotion, exactly, and I think that's part of it too, is being able to not let whatever you feel in to deter you from being able to speak up, like, yeah, I'm feeling that way. So what? You know what I mean? But I think it's that other part, like what you gonna do about it? Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

15:41We immediately go, yeah, I feel a little something.

15:43I've been trying to work on that though. I've been trying to work on this idea that like a lot of times you gotta it always has to be this caveat. Yeah. Like, I'm peaceful, but don't try to play with me. Like you know what I mean. I'm just nah, I can just say I'm peaceful, and that's just and that's just what it is. That's that's an element that I'm trying to like try and work on. I'm trying to work

Nobody Checks On Men: Miscarriage & Grief

16:02on. I feel you. I'm trying to work on that. You know what I'm saying?

16:04I think it's interesting, man, um, that uh I don't think that men get checked on when it comes to like that, the empty nesting thing. And I also don't think that men get checked on when there's a miscarriage.

16:18Huh.

16:19Yeah, I don't. You know, me and my wife experienced the miscarriage. I I I know a couple of other men who experienced that. And you know, there's there's there's it's always take care of the woman. But of course, you know, understandably so, she went through this traumatic thing that was, you know, a part of her body. But emotionally, a man has to deal with that too. And I don't think that we give, we provide men space to deal with the the trauma or the grieving that comes with the miscarriage, just as well as emptiness and so many other things.

16:58Yeah, I appreciate your like the vulnerability of you even invoking that and saying that. And I think that as you said, like even when you just spoke to the emotion that you you had, yeah, it felt like you had to um kind of end that still take make sure that you took care of her. Because yeah, I heard you say uh she felt it's and rightfully so. Like you can't, it's it's difficult to just sit in the emotion because I know you were taking care of your wife and all that, right? But when this when this is the idea of being able to isolate the feeling of being to take care of myself, we still feel the sense of responsibility to know that you know we wanna, and that's the and that's not and that's not a I don't think that that's a responsibility that's shared in those moments.

17:41I don't think that the woman thinks about, you know, and and I'm maybe wrong because you know, my wife, she she offered, you know, of course, support, yeah, but I just think that it was a plethora of support that she had for that particular situation.

17:58Yeah, there's a uh and I think that part of it is this idea that like the carrying of the child, which is you know, an entirely, uh, an entirely different level. Yeah. But I also think that like there is a very real experience. There's a very real experience that you're having in that, like, you know, losing a child, but then there's also this very real experience of being of taking care of someone, yeah, as well.

18:22Who who lost it within like their body, per se.

18:27And there's also questions, there's a there's a lot around that, right? There's even questions of of being unsure about even your own body. Yeah, right. Like there's a lot of things to explore around that. And but I think that men have to be, we have to get a little bit more comfortable in having those uh more c I guess more courageous conversations about what we're feeling in moments such as those, you know what I mean? Yeah, my man.

18:52Man, yeah, we just got into a whole bunch of deep stuff, just off the top.

18:59But you know, it's interesting. Like, we talk about like I was like, yeah, we went there. Uh hey, we did. Yeah, we

Girl Dad vs Boy Dad: Do We Show Love Differently?

19:05did. You never know. You never know what's gonna happen. Yeah, but you know, you you have you know, two daughters and a son. Yes. But do you feel that there's a difference between this uh emotional expression and or how you uh what men are how how men choose to emote around being a girl dad versus being a boy dad? Um try to break that down a little bit more. So the the question I'm asking is like if your daughter is like going to college versus your son, are are we more comfortable in emoting? Does being a girl dad, is there more comfort in being in emotional expression than it is being a boy dad?

19:47Yes, I think so because I think that a woman, whether it's an adult or a child, ushers in those emotions. Like they they they walk with you through them, they create them. Like my daughter, she creates emotional moments for me all the time. Even Gabby, you know what I'm saying? Whereas my son, um, emotional moments come when I'm like proud of something, or you know, I just see him and I see him growing up and maturing. It's it doesn't necessarily come with uh physical touch per se or or or verbal expression, not as often as it does with a a little girl. Like my daughter, dog, she like ever since I was young, I mean you was young, yeah. Okay, she was young, it's crazy. All right, go ahead. Ever since she was like like two years old, two, two and a half, I would come home and she would see me out of the window, and she would be like, Oh daddy, and she would run to the top of the steps and wait for me to come in. You know what I'm saying? Like that right there is just is amazing. My son, my son, you know, he never did that. He was excited, daddy, but yeah, he it did even his expression wasn't like emotional. It was like, Yes, daddy's home, daddy's home. My daughter's like, Oh, I miss you, daddy, I love you, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just a different you you yeah, it's interesting.

21:19You're talking about emotional expression, yeah. And and how a man how your boy child chose to, I guess, emote his emotional expression, and then your girl child their emotional expression, but are they saying the same thing?

21:38I mean, maybe, maybe they are. If we if if I really gave it some thought, maybe this is how he is is showing me that he loves me and you know what I'm saying, he misses me. Um it doesn't feel the same though. It doesn't feel the same. I mean Yeah, it just it just doesn't feel the same.

22:00Yeah, and that's one of the things that I I think that's the caveat too is round is around this idea of of w how we emote, like how boys versus girls emote, right? How we've been socialized to emote, and then our ability to be able to recognize what they're saying to us. Yeah. Like how what ex what exactly are they communicating? Because if if a little because I remember when my son was very small, he would like be excited, like daddy, you know what I mean? And the way in which we have been taught to be able to interact with that type of emotion from a boy versus interact with that type of emotion from a girl is different, right? So like if a girl, like a little girl comes up, runs to her and it's like, daddy, you can go run, grab her, hug her, kiss her.

22:43I think that's the same though. I think it's the same with with the boy. Like I did the same with Blake. It's just that um I I it's it's hard to explain. Like a a daughter's love is one of the strongest loves I've ever seen in my life.

22:57Overfelt?

22:58Yes, okay. Strongest love that I've ever felt. Like she worships the ground I walk on. And I am like number one. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Even like if we even put beside the mother, she's like daddy. Yeah, and it's like um it's just a different feeling. Yeah. And I think with the with the boy, like he is, he just be off doing his own thing, or he just be, and I'm not talking about him as an adult. Yeah, yeah. You know, but I'm talking about as a child, too. He just going around destroying stuff, not just, you know what I'm saying? Where she is more, can you come and do this with me? Um, daddy, look at this. I love you, daddy, or drawing pictures and of of the family and saying, This is a,

Nature or Nurture? How Boys Learn to Express Themselves

23:45you know, my son was never.

23:46So the question do you think it's nature or no or nurture?

23:50I I think it's nature. Okay. I think it's natural. I think it's natural for uh certain levels of expression. I don't think that you can ever get the same from, like, even if you treated them the same, I still don't think that you can get the same expression from a boy and a girl. Okay. I think that they just express it differently.

24:08Yeah.

24:09And even as adults, I think it's the same. You know what I'm saying? We express it differently.

24:13Yeah. So I think it's a little bit of both. I think that like there is ways in which we nurture um or communicate expectations or standards to boys around what they can do and can't do. And I also think those same expectations are uh, you know, communicating.

24:31But what though? What though? Like what what what do you think we're saying that you can't do and that you can do?

24:38Um, just by way of how we, you know, like I think that little boys um communicate, learn how to communicate with with the world by looking at adults, by looking at how adult women communicate and also how adult men communicate. And they are literally following our lead. And so even the way that I sit in the chair, right, or the way that I like talk, I've learned all this from the men in my life, right? Like not slouching in a chair or uh or how I uh express anger, right? Or how I express love to to a little boy versus a little girl, right? Like if I'm talking to a little girl, my voice can get softer. Yeah, like oh, I like oh, like, you know, or if I'm talking to a boy, like, hey, you know, I'm like even the inflection of my voice changes. And I think those little things ultimately um create levels of comfort in the ways in which young boys and young girls are able to emote and express themselves. And I'm not judging right or wrong, left or right. Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm just saying, I'm just saying that we, you know, that it has something to do with us, yeah. Yeah, and we also, and I think that's the piece where we have to be critical of how we are interfacing and interacting with our uh young people because they then learn, okay, am I am I comfortable talking about this particular thing? Have I seen men in my life say this to other men? Yeah, uh, am I comfortable uh being unsure about sex? Am I comfortable being unsure about being able to express sadness? Or can I only do this particular thing? So, and I think that's part of

Are We Gangster Enough to Defy the Norm?

26:22you know, going back to our conversation about uh what I felt when my son left the house and what you felt during the miscarriage, it's like, are we comfortable enough to be able to I like to call it gangster enough? Are we comfortable and gangster enough to be able to defy the the norm of how and what we are ultimately told to express?

26:45I think that we're doing a good job of like like leaning towards that. Yeah, kind of yeah, I definitely think that there have been a lot of conversations about this particular thing, and I think that men are getting more comfortable and it's becoming more cool to to to express yourself in this way, and we're looking past the negative uh outlooks of people who don't agree with it, yeah, you know, so I I I think it's definitely changing.

27:16Yeah, and a lot of times I think we're looking past it, and I also think it's a lot of times around this idea of like how we communicate about it. Like I think it's a very I was my man Kier, he was he was having this conversation. I went to go see him at the CBC yesterday, and he had this conversation about how men communicate about their emotions. And a lot of times the way in which we are uh the the way the way in which we are framing this conversation is that a lot of times we're framing this conversation around emotions in the same way women have been framed to have the conversation. Like, oh, we can sit on the couch, just talk about and Kier did a very good job of expressing the fact that when we when we talk, when men talk, we can it's different, yeah. Like it's just different, yeah, and we have to make sure that the conversation about emotions and the way in which men express has to be able to come from men.

28:09Men, yeah, we have to sculpt it.

28:11We have and we have to be comfortable in defying the norms around what how those conversations are had, yeah, right. And I think that part of this podcast is is the help that is that, yeah, yeah, yeah. So and the burger bar and everything else. Yes, everything else we do. Yeah, yeah.

If Your Exes Left You a Google Review

28:28So, you know, I I I I I guess you about to it's about to flip. I can already tell. I can already tell whenever you do that, I already know. It's about to go to something something completely left. But go ahead, let's go.

28:41So I was thinking the other day, right? Uh yeah, how many, how many, uh, how many, um, how many, how many, how, how many, how many? I haven't had a lot of exes. Okay. Right. I I just I I haven't. I've been married for 21 years. Yeah. Yeah. So I I haven't had a lot. How many exes would you say you have you've had?

29:05I want to say I had like four to five. Okay. Yeah, about six.

29:17About six. About five to six. Five. Five to six. Okay, five to six. Okay. So here's the question, right? Uh-huh. You know how, you know, you go. Yeah. You know how you know how you go to a restaurant? Yeah. A restaurant, you sit down, like, all right, food, boom, uh, this is good. And then you you give a a Google review. Yes. Like, oh, you got that. You got this arm. So uh. If uh if you if you were to think about those six X's.

29:52This is not fair. I just want to say that this is not fair considering you don't you don't have a rack of X's. But it's cool. I'm gonna go along with it. Go ahead. Let's go. I already know where you're leading, but go ahead.

30:02So if you were to combine these six X's together as a as a uh like a collaborative um Google review, yes, how many stars you think they're gonna give you?

30:14Um to be honest, dog, I think I'm in like the four star. Jesus. Yeah, I think I'm in the four star.

30:22So like so you four stars. I'm I'm four stars.

30:27With five being the best, right? Five's the best. Five the best, I'm four. So they're gonna get together and they're gonna be like, young black. So you gotta understand that, you know, these exes are in different stages of my life. True. So some of them, you know, I just wasn't um like all of my relationships wasn't like, you know, broken up because of like infidelity or something like that. It's it's just uh like it's very rare in my relational history. Yeah, yeah. Um some of them we just grew apart, you know what I'm saying? Okay. I still was cool with each other, you know. Um, some of them it was just a season. Okay. But I'll see them and still, hey, you know why? You all of that, but I so there's four stars. It's four stars. I feel like it's four stars.

31:15So what what comments they leaving?

31:18Comments they leaving uh from a young age. Uh me being young, like uh, I think the one main thing, you know what I'm saying, until I really got in my adult life is uh he's inconsiderate. All right, inconsiderate. Inconsiderate. But it's interesting.

31:46I mean, you got four stars, bro, so it ain't gotta be all negative. Yeah, I know, I know. I just want to do that.

31:51That's what that's the only that's the only demerit. That's that's the way that stopped. That's the only demerit.

31:57Is your inconsiderate. Also, you know what I'm saying, stages in my life. I ain't had no money. I was chasing, I was chasing, you know, uh uh music. Okay. You know what I'm saying? So I ain't had no stability. Okay. Uh just things of that nature. Uh, as far as the good things, uh, he's he's he's a good communicator. Um he is this I never this is tougher than I thought.

32:24Yeah, it's um I'm really looking forward to what everybody else say in the comments.

32:31Uh they don't need to jump in the comments, though. When you talk about the joke, I'm gonna go.

32:36Please, don't, please we're gonna delete those. I am on the buttons. You're gonna invite people to Google review me.

32:48I will delete that joke as quick as delete and block.

32:53No, I think you know what I'm saying. Uh I I've been really good to to my exes. Um, I've tried my best to provide. So when whatever I had, I provided. Uh-huh. I was there for them emotionally. Okay. You know, I was less emotionally mature. However, what I did have, I offered, you know, as far as emotionally. Um, their family loved me. Okay. All everybody's family loved me. Okay. Um, you know what I'm saying? God I ain't gonna go there. I ain't gonna go there. But um go ahead, dog. I'm I'm funny. Okay, you know what I'm saying? I'm funny, I'm adventurous. Yeah. Uh I probably opened them up to things that they've never, you know, would have tried to experience.

33:40Yeah. Um, yeah. Hey young. I just want to go on the record. Uh I just want to go on the record and say, dog, the way you just sciced yourself, dog. Hey yo. Nah, hold on, I'm gonna dab you. I'm gonna dab you.

33:55You know what I'm saying?

33:56You deserve that dap, you know what I'm saying? Because you sciced yourself, and I love it, dawg. But it's interesting. So this is this this four stars. Four stars. As a collective, though, what would you rate them?

34:08Ooh. As a collective, mmm. Let me see. Ooh. So, let me say this too. Okay. I don't think that I've ever had anyone below a three.

34:31Okay.

34:32Because of like my selection. My mother, she would always tell me, like, my mother didn't, she didn't really want me to have girlfriends. Okay. You know, she wanted me to just go out here and have fun, play sports or whatever. I don't want she don't want me to focus on girls, all of that type of stuff. Yeah. Um, and so I was very selective about who I got in relationships with. Okay. Um, a lot of times I was just out here just playing. Yeah. Uh, and so when I got in a relationship with you, that means that your character was something that I was, you know, I can consider. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Sharing a life with per se. Even though I wasn't thinking that back in the day.

35:16Yeah.

35:17Yeah. So I think I think all of them was a three and better.

35:20Okay.

35:21All uh I didn't have no no smut no smuts. No one, no one-tos. Nah, I ain't had no one-tos. Okay. I ain't had no one-two.

35:28That's tight, dog. You only well, no, let's not leave comments on about we good on that. No, no, yeah. Just comment. Yeah, we're gonna jump to that. Yeah, yeah. No comment. We're not commenting over. That's tight, though, dog. I think uh my my my uh I don't think I don't think it's fair, huh?

35:46But go ahead, I'll let you go. I don't know if you can really like it. No, I can't. Yeah, you can't really participate in this conversation like that.

35:52You right. I can't really, I can't, I can't really engage like that. You right you right. But you know,

Rating Ourselves: 3.5 or 4 Stars?

36:01I know my wife bet gave me a five stars. I know that. Five? Listen, man.

36:06Five, dog. Nah, it ain't no. Yeah, I'm about to say, I didn't. It ain't no five.

36:10Ain't no way it's a five. Ain't no way it's a five, though. Ain't no way it's a five, dog. Ain't no way it's a bad. I mean, we've been perfect. I can't five dog. Nah.

36:20Even a four. A four may be too generous, dog. I'm like, you know what I'm saying? 3.5, I'm in the 3.54 range, but maybe a four is a bit much.

36:32Yeah, well, oh, you think a four is a bit much?

36:34It might be a bit much for for for I'm talking about.

36:38But it's a crucial, it's a crucial question to ask yourself because we think we living in our in our bodies, we think that, oh, I am the you know what I'm saying? I'm I'm I'm out here.

36:48I don't I don't think that everyone thinks that. I don't, I don't, I don't believe that's true.

36:52Yeah, yeah.

36:53I think some people that you know that's out here. Lunching, they they know they lunching. I am a one. Yeah, and people be like, I 1.3.

37:02You know what I'm saying?

37:03Yeah, and they accept it.

37:04Yeah, part of it is it's like trying, like, I feel like I try. I try to get better. I try, I like I be trying. You know what I'm saying? And I think that there's I think you should get some points for like really trying.

Mood Swings & Why Men Don't Know How to Ask for Space

37:18Uh but I know my comment, dog, I am be mood mood transitions. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, see, mood transitions be real. Uh, and I'm like, you know what I'm saying? When I when I need the space, because that's the thing about being sometimes I think a lot of people when you when you're in like when you're in relationship, people don't know how to express space.

37:40I mean, I think that you know, like when you get mature enough, then you can do it. But at a young age, you don't know none of that stuff. You don't exactly, yeah, exactly.

37:50But I don't think I don't even think it's this at a young age.

37:53I think it as like as an adult, you don't even know how to say you need space, and that's something that a lot of men manage that.

37:59Yeah, a lot of men, well, because we're talking from the male experience, but I'm sure that's a very real thing for sisters too. But young, you don't know how to say because you feel responsible for the house, you feel responsible for everybody's right? So you don't you don't know how to say I need a break. Yeah, and I think that that is a very uh like an extremely real thing. Um and and then what ultimately happens is you you can get moody or grouchy. I'm the king of grouchy, dog.

38:29I know I know I know, dog. For real. You come in the gym or some other stuff at times, and I don't, yeah, you be lunching at times. I know I'm gonna

Raised by Single Women & Envying the Bad Boys

38:38but did so so the reason why I feel like I'm uh three and a half to a four is because I was raised by uh a single woman and I was in my sister, and majority of my family was single women, right? Okay, and so I've seen them um throughout my childhood uh just not be held to the highest standards, the highest light by men. Does that make sense? Like, I I I've seen them not treated as Oh, okay. Yeah. No, not treated well. Not treated well. Okay. And so it made you And so it made me not want to be a part of that. Okay. So even when it came to like, you know, like sometimes, you know, the until, you know, I got married, and probably even some time before that, like I I used to wish I was a hoe. Like I wish that I had like a phase where it was just I didn't care. I was like just, you know what I'm saying?

39:38Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:42Yeah, you did it. Exactly. Exactly. I wish, I wish that I didn't care. Because it seemed like the dudes who was getting all the coochie was the ones who didn't care. The ones who didn't care, the bad boys. Ain't care about your feelings, ain't care about nothing, just came to you like, look, what's up? And then they was like, they was with it. I guess so.

40:09I mean, what do you mean? You you feel like I feel like you got like what you thinking? I don't know what I'm thinking. That's the thing. I don't, I don't, uh, I think that I think I think I'm I I think that I am thinking two things. One around this perception, around I mean, you're having this conversation as a young man or this desire to want to like kind of be in the mix as a young man. Yeah. I feel like that's how you uh yeah.

40:37Yeah, I ain't like like I I didn't like the fact that commitment was so like engulfed in me. You know what I'm saying? I didn't I I wish that it wasn't. I wish that I could just dog somebody out without any regret.

40:51Or I think now it's this idea of like being being honest about what you desire. Right? Not necessarily, I don't think necessarily dog dogging

Free Expression: Why Men Lie

41:01somebody out. I think I think that you wanted the freedom of expression about what you ultimately wanted. And I think that is the piece that we that men struggle with. I think that that is it because what we hear well from women all the time is they say what I've heard, like they'd be like, look, just tell me what's just tell me.

41:18And I think that but that's interesting because when you don't have the emotional, you know, like uh intelligence or whatever, then it seems it seems extremely hard to do. Exactly, and it seems like if I do it, like the kind of repercussions that's gonna come with it, I don't want to deal with exactly, exactly.

41:40But I think part of the emotional vulnerability is just saying it. Dog, this is what I desire, this is where I am, this is what I want, and see where it is and see what because you don't want to lie, you don't want to take advantage, you just gotta, you know, but you yeah, I think that is what we ultimately we want that level, men be wanting that level of freedom. I don't know if they necessarily want to be promiscuous.

42:07What you mean?

42:09I think men want the freedom of expression, and the only way they think that's oftentimes we can get it is through extending our bodies. What we what we actually ultimately desiring is free expression. And a lot of times we think our only way to actually do that is through our is through the exchange of our physical selves. But that's not really what we desire, I don't think.

42:34What do you think? When you say free expression, what do you what what what do you mean? At a younger age, because I mean right now, yeah, you you emotionally intelligent to be able to do that.

42:46So thinking about why we why people lie. People lie because they either afraid of the consequence, yeah, or they're trying to manipulate to get a particular outcome. Yes. Right? Right. Um and if you are if you are a free expression and you are then you wouldn't care. Right? You wouldn't care about what the consequence was, it wouldn't matter.

43:12And you wouldn't want to manipulate you because you would just be straight about it, and you know, whatever comes from it is what comes from it.

43:18And I think when you have free expression, if I if I say this is what I desire from a like I'm having a conversation with women, I'm like, oh, this is what I desire from this relationship, and I got free expression of what I'm feeling, and she has free expression of what she's feeling, then we oh, it's just like I can come to a great uh a quicker awareness if we're having a real conversation versus me hiding or manipulating. Because she can say, nah, I don't, I don't think that that's that's what you where I want to go. And I also don't think that that's part of like who you are. I think that we need to investigate that a little bit more. And I think when men start to have those types of conversations a little bit more honest and open, I think we get to the truth a little quicker.

44:00Yeah, that's that's that's tough. Like even as an adult, you know what I'm saying? That's tough because I think some things that you may say will go against social norms. Exactly. And people will, you know, fight back just because it goes against social norms. Yes. Like you could say something, and that person could probably, you know, feel the same way you do. But because the social norm frowns upon it, yeah, they will go another way or fight you tooth and nail just because of it.

44:32Yeah, no, that makes sense. That's a real thing. But I think that that might not be, as you talked about, like that might not be the person for you, like as

Real Talk to Young Men: Just Tell the Truth

44:40it relates to like growth and development and kind of where you are. Yeah. Like my my conversation has always been with my son. It's always yo, just tell the truth. Tell the truth, dog.

44:48Tell the truth. No matter just say to all young men out there, tell the truth. Don't and and don't like lead with like the I love you's and all of that. If you really don't love the person, don't use that to try to manipulate them. Like, just tell the truth, dog.

45:05You won't, you're gonna get well, but that but that I think that's the piece too. I think that's and that's uh a piece about young adult and manhood around this idea. You're gonna get that like is important. Like, hold on. Hey, listen. So hold on, no. All right, go ahead. You and you say your piece, and then I'll talk.

45:23No, no, no, no, you can go ahead.

45:25No, because I think I think that we are oftentimes sending a wrong message to young men around. Nah, for real, around like the

Young Men, Your Body Is Valuable

45:36the value of their body, themselves, yeah.

45:38I I totally agree with that. I totally agree that we do not tell young men that their body, more specifically, their penis is valuable. Yes. And that they shouldn't be just going and throwing it to anybody and everybody. I totally agree with that. Yeah, I totally agree.

45:55And I think when we when young men are honest about what they're feeling and why they're feeling a particular thing, I think even with each other, that's what I'm talking about. Even with each other, I think it's important because you know, I remember being a young man. This is interesting because I, you know, it was a little late for me when I engaged, and I remember being a young man and not being necessarily comfortable with talking to my homies about not necessarily being ready. Yeah. Like I was like, nah, I don't want to. Like it wasn't, I wasn't necessarily ready to engage in that, but I didn't feel comfortable having those types of conversations around like this idea of like being ready for that experience. You know, it it makes you feel like, oh, society rears us to say, nah, you're supposed to, you're supposed to be engaged in that, you're supposed to be conquering, you're supposed to be doing all these conquering, you're supposed to be doing all these different things, but I didn't necessarily feel like I truly was was not ready. But I didn't know, I didn't feel that I had the vulnerability or the relationships in my life to to fully and freely express that.

47:00Do you think you were ready when you when when you actually did it?

47:03Yeah.

47:04What makes you think that you was ready when you actually did it? I let the emotions in.

47:09Huh? I let the emotions in. I feel like well, I I think that you're always gonna have some degree of uncertainty, right? Like, because it's your first time. But I I felt like in that moment, like, yeah, it was it was time. I was, yeah, it was time.

47:29Well, I mean, how do you know though? How do you know it was time is what I'm asking you.

47:35Because if we're I the fear the the the the the the anxiety left, the fear left, uh, and the desire increased. Yeah, I think that's what it was for me.

47:56So I understand what you're saying as far as like, you know, we gotta be careful on what we say when we're expressing to young men that hey, tell the truth, and we're not necessarily telling you to tell the truth so that you can get this. Yes, you know, I understand that. However, what I will say is that most of the time the reason why they lie is so that they can get this. So the next step to getting them to where we want them to be, you know, in the long run is not lying. True. Does that make sense what I just said?

48:34Yeah, no, it makes sense, it makes sense what you say, and I actually started to think about this other thing about like the lies that we tell to ourselves. Because I also think that I think men, there's there's this manipulation around oftentimes when you're young, like because I think that that jumps in front of it sometimes, like being a horn dog, like kind of jumps in front. A horn dog. Yeah, right. But I also think that women lie to themselves too in this experience. Because they be knowing like that dude don't want you for real. Like, he don't really want you young. Come on, dog.

49:05I don't know, dog. I don't know. I don't know.

49:08So think about these dudes that you knew that were quote unquote, you just expressed like bad boys, right? These dudes who was just dogging women out.

49:15Yeah.

49:17You in your mind, you're gonna tell me that you can know this do the dude is. You know exactly, but the women don't.

49:25Yes. I feel like we we we, I mean, you gotta think. Just think about the the women that you were attracted to or whatever. It doesn't make you think like you don't necessarily think logical when you're attracted at a young age. Like it's certainly at a young age, like it's certain things that you would do when you was young that you would not do when you're an adult. Like you like, whatever, as an adult, but as a young child, like you've been looking at this girl the whole week, you know what I'm saying? The whole year.

49:57Listen, dog.

49:57And then she said something to you,

Crushes & Heartbreak Will Have You NOT Eating

49:59young.

49:59That young sidebar, dog, it ain't nothing like like a crush. Yes, bruh. So just imagine, you know what I'm saying? I just I want to like divert, like, okay, let's go. But you having that conversation about like when you when you were young, like young, and you got a crush. You got a crush. You're right. I think you're right, because that feeling, you just dumb.

50:20You you you done done. Like it's it's it's stupid. Young. It's stupid. Crush to have a crush at a as a young person is like you're not thinking straight. And then also, let's even go further. Yeah. Heartbreak as a young dog.

50:41A young heartbreak, young as a young dog. God shouldn't have made that. God shouldn't have made a young heartbreak will have you not eating, dog. At all. Heartbreak will have you, your stomach hurt like you can't think. Young uh heartbreak.

50:55It's it's I I I wish someone I'm sad thinking about heartbreak.

51:02Dog, y'all.

51:03Heartbreak is crucial, yo. Heartbreak is crucial, crush is crucial. All of those feelings. Yeah, you get dumb.

51:10You get dumb. Yes. All of the dolphins, when you got a crush, you get dumb. You're right. You right. You get you get you just ridiculous. You don't get it.

51:16Yeah, so she thinks this dude is in love with her.

51:19Yeah, you know, oh my god, he likes he just trying, he's just trying to get

Norms, Standards & Two-Parent Households

51:23something. Yeah. So I think that's where your norms and standards come in.

51:27What you mean?

51:28Like with the things that you norm in a relationship. So like the I think the only thing that can block those super high emotions is you standing on what your norms are in your life. Like, I don't do this. These are the this is what I like when I meet somebody, this is my norm. This is the process that I kind of go through. So that you can block the the endorphins of them having being.

51:49I would agree, but but that's that's um it's tough. It yeah, I'm not saying it ain't tough. Yeah, it's extremely hard. And it's extremely hard when you don't have an example, and it's extremely hard when you don't have someone actually pushing you towards that.

52:01Even with an example, like a lot of times we be like, Yeah, two-parent household, oh yeah, you got the man, that don't mean nothing.

52:08I be thinking sometimes this is it, it doesn't it doesn't mean as much as as the world puts it on, put put it on. However, it does mean something. Yeah, I know it means something. Yeah, but you just said nothing.

52:20Yeah, I'm just talking about I'm sorry, I was lunching. Yeah, you was lunching. My bad, my bad. I'm just saying that I think a lot of times we think that just because people come from a particular environment or situation that they supposed to, that they're going to come out like this. And I think that is where the fallacy is. Okay. Yeah, so I'm sorry. Thank you. You say how I back, you say I backed up a little bit.

52:44Yeah, dog, just go, you just did it. Don't try to point it out like you know you want me to keep it as a reference so that you want me to do the same thing. Nah, I don't that's not what I'm gonna do. You know what I'm saying? I know, I know exactly not what you're gonna do. Nah, I didn't have the example when I was growing up.

53:01The last, the last, I think we yeah, we did uh so look, I went to

Concert Season: Jay-Z, Chris Brown x Usher & J. Cole

53:08dog, I went to the Jay-Z concert in New York.

53:13Crazy day one. You act like that joint was some BS. I didn't say it was that, dog.

53:19Icing it, young.

53:20I did not say it was that.

53:22I went to the Chris Brown and Usher concert.

53:26Chris Brown. Chris Brown Usher concert, yeah, and I went to the J.

53:31Cole concert.

53:32Yeah, you've been out here acting like a a a kid again.

53:36Yeah, I went, I mean, yeah, I feel like I bought the Jay-Z tickets the day before. Yeah. Like, you know what I'm saying? Got some some real decent seats. We we we went to the Chris Brown Usher concert. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. Young.

53:54Oh, oh, oh, yeah, you do think.

53:57Can we hold on? Can we talk about that? Let's talk about that. Can we talk about the fact, young? Let

"You Think You Dance Like Usher"

54:03me ask you this. All right, cuz you word on the street is word, yeah. You word on the street is young, that you that you said that you danced like Usher.

54:14I said, I I did I say that specifically. I said I danced like Usher.

54:19I think you said that you you you you think you danced like Usher.

54:23Okay, that that's different. That's different. I think I danced like Usher. I think I danced like Usher. You remember how quick?

54:30No, like what made you say that?

54:33Because I think, first of all, I I think the environment made me say it because you had Chris Brown, who, you know, was doing flips and all of these ridiculous stunts that I just knew I couldn't do. You knew you couldn't do okay, I and then you had Usher that came in, and I'm like, ah, that's more my speed. What he's doing is more my speed. I I can do that.

54:57You can do so I can do that. So what Usher dances, what what dances that Usher?

55:03I mean, almost every dance. Usher ain't do no, he ain't do no Chris Brown stuff. You got Chris Brown doing all of this stuff, and then you got Usher, yeah, who is doing like maybe one third of what Chris Brown is doing. Okay. Like athletically, athletically wise, you know what I'm saying? As far as I mean, I'm not saying Usher wasn't smooth with his. I'm just saying that Chris Brown was just on another level. You know, that's that's all I'm saying.

55:26So but I mean, but you but what dance can you do that that Usher like?

55:31I mean Usher didn't do any like so Usher didn't do like any kind of like crazy dances though.

55:37He did enough.

55:38I mean, what's enough? Like this right, this, this, this joint right here that you talking about? That joint, like what is it?

55:45Let me see. Yeah, you do. You do try, you do try to dance a little bit like I know, see, I told you. Remember we were talking about lying? Right. I can't believe

Why the J. Cole Show Was Light Years Better

56:03you just did that. Um, but nah, so look, the concerts. I went to all three of the joints.

56:10Right.

56:11Ho, Chris Brown Usher, J. Cole concert.

56:16Was crazy.

56:19Was light years better than everybody. Than everybody.

56:23What made his concert so much better?

56:28He had so much control of the crowd.

56:30Okay.

56:31The lighting, the storyline behind the con, like the storyline as he's, and he had everybody from the front to the top of the arena rapping the lyrics the entire time. The entire arena, no one, you never sat down.

56:50So I think that J, I don't, I how can I say this? I think that J. Cole concert will always be like that because of his career. Everything about J. Cole has been grassroots. It has never been like uh like a marketing thing, or you know, he's never been gimmicky per se. It's like if you like J. Cole, then you like J. Cole. Like it's it's a love with J. Cole.

57:26True, but I just want to not take away, I've been to probably four or five cold shows. I've seen him in maybe more than that. Like, I seen him a few times at Dreamville, and then I seen him in concert, like in like a stadium. This concert, bro, is just different. Bro, he he he the the the thing that was so beautiful about it is that I felt like he worked at it. Like, and I and nothing to take away from Chris Brown and Usher, because Chris Brown and Usher was definitely number two, but I just think that the stadium, you you, you lose a little bit of the energy and the feel. Yeah. But Hove. Now you said that I thought it wasn't that the show was bad.

58:06That's not how you described it to me. Like, but you can go ahead and fluff it up a little bit. Nas came out.

58:10Nas my favorite rapper. Nas came out, that was tight. Beyonce came out, Memphis Bleak came out, Jazz O came out, like so, but his ability to connect with the crowd, his music is nostalgic.

58:24Yeah. But I don't think his music, like, that's what I'm saying. I don't think that any of their music connects with the crowd or the experience of the crowd, like a J. Cole. That's what I'm saying.

58:37Yeah. So when I was at Jay concert, I'm nostalgic because I grew up on Jay. Like the songs, like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the connection, yeah, I was sitting down. I get it. I didn't feel like I didn't feel like concert, I was turned up. Like, nah, dog. So you know, a lot of the clips from the Jay-Z concert, a lot of people had like the little fun with, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, I'm sad, I missed that. I you could play the C D. You can play the C D. The C D, you you're good. Play the C D. I'll be honest, man.

59:11Um, I I I I I enjoyed the trip.

59:16Yeah.

59:16With with you know, uh, us and our family. Um, well, our wives. I enjoyed the trip, but I I I was underwhelmed by the concert and and Chris Brown concert. Yeah, I mean, it was just like eh.

59:30It's too big. I think that the the stadium is too big. I mean, Chris Brown flying around the sky was that was that was that was different. Mario set set was dope.

59:39Mario was cool.

59:41Tank came out, did and the DJ before that the actual show started was real good.

59:45He was, he was, but then he stopped playing a whole bunch of stuff that I ain't knew.

59:48It was too much fire in the Chris Brown time.

Fire Budgets, Gospel Energy & Almost Crying at J. Cole

59:51It was too much fire.

59:52Their fire budget. Big day, dog.

59:54Okay, we get it. You got it. Yeah, their fire budget was crazy. Fires, bruh. The fire was wild. Jay-Z just had one poof. It was poof. Poof. At the end. Yeah, at the end. Like, but y'all, their fire budget was crazy. It was. It was too much fire, dog.

1:00:09It was, yeah. But um What was I gonna say? I I feel like, okay, J. Cole, going to a J. Cole concert is probably like going to see going to a gospel concert. You know how I've never been to a gospel concert, but go ahead. Like, but you you feel gospel music though.

1:00:31Some of my favorite music in the world. Right.

1:00:33So just imagine if you were in the space and you see these people singing these gospel songs, whether it'd be like the energy of gospel music performed live is Oh, you probably be in that jump. Yeah. Yeah. That's bad.

1:00:47Yeah. Hallelujah. Yeah, that was good.

1:00:50Or you just standing with the Disel, with the Disdel uh glory days. The little Disdel glory days just tick. Just tick. Just running. You just rock it back and forth.

1:00:59Yeah, we should do that, yo.

1:01:01I'm game. I'm still game, yo. I'm telling you, a gospel concert is going to like you definitely gonna get emotional in the gospel concert.

1:01:09Nah, I'm with it. I I I definitely won't go.

1:01:10Just like you probably got emotional in the J. Cole concert.

1:01:14I say, I'm not crying. I just told you. You was close? Oh, I was very close.

1:01:21We just had a whole conversation about emotional, you know what I'm saying?

1:01:25I ain't feel like I was I just I just didn't feel like it. Because the thing about me when I cry is that young, I can't, I can't stop. You know what I'm saying? It's ridiculous. So I was like, dog, I just put these emotions away. I told myself in that moment, I was like, I'm not doing that. The joint, the song, uh Love Yours. No, not Love Yours.

1:01:44Uh Willie Does Life. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1:01:51I was in that junk. And I was with my son too. So we we turned up, you know what I'm saying? Me and my son, we lit, like, you know what I'm saying? That joint came on. He done connect with it the same way I do. Yeah. So I was in that joke. And what we be doing live for them again. Like, get yourself together, dog. Nah, dawg. But that joint, that joy was vicious, dog. I'm not doing this, dog.

1:02:12Yeah, that is hilarious.

1:02:14But that's Ty

Let's Argue: Hidden Child After a Year?

1:02:15Young. Hey, we back.

1:02:16We back, man. That's Tight. Black and Victorious Podcast. Let's get to what's up? What's up? Oh yeah. Yeah, you trying to do this?

1:02:24Yeah, let's argue. Let's argue. Here we go.

1:02:27Oh, look, also, man, um, you know, down see the couch.

1:02:32Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We don't gotta talk about it. We don't gotta talk about it. Nah, we ain't gotta talk about it. You know what I'm saying? Uh, here we go. Here we go. You know, you know that if I don't want oh no, this is this is Yeah, I get to pick. Okay. After dating your significant other for a year, hold on, should we tell what let's argue is about? Yeah, yeah. Let's argue is part of the show where uh we pick a card, whoever reads the card, the person who the card is being read to, they get to choose a stance, yes or no. And then the person who's actually reading the card has to choose the opposing stance, no matter if they agree or disagree. So we just gotta lose it. Okay. After dating your significant other for a year, you find out they have a child who they never told you about.

1:03:28Ooh.

1:03:28The conversation never came up. What happens next?

1:03:32I'm out of there. A year, a year, I'm not, I'm not invested fully. That's a whole I can, yeah. And if you didn't tell me about a child, first of all, how did you keep it a secret? That also tells me something about your parenting because I've never ran into the child. What have we been doing for a whole year? Have I come to your house? Where did you put the child at? Like now I'm talking about calling child protective services because I don't know how you treated this child. You know what I'm saying? And and no, like if that if you're gonna do that to this child, then what happens if me and you have a child? So nah, I'm about to there. I'm I'm done. I'm done. You ain't kept a child hidden for a year. Yeah. So I got picked up. Yeah, you got picked up.

1:04:15You know what? I think you know, people be too judgmental sometimes, dog. You judgmental, you don't know why she the circumstances around why she's keeping the child hidden. She could be like, I've saved my world, trying to block the world from you. What's the Drake drunk? Hide you from the world. I'm not trying to hide you from the world, I'm trying to hide the world from you. So for me, she got to keep the child hidden. It might be she don't trust me yet. Like she's trying to get to know me. You're like a year is a good enough time trying to figure out who I am, whether or not I can build a relationship with the child or not. Nah, you matter of fact, yeah, you gotta keep your child hidden from these dudes. They don't know what, you don't know what kind of person this person is. So I think a year is a good enough time for you to let the person know, boom, it's my child, this is who I am, because now you fully trust me, and now you fully trust me. Actually, it's a it it is endearing. If you now give me the child, like let me know who the child is now at this point in their life. Do you feel like you feel closer to me, you feel connected to me? That's a beautiful thing, man. Dog, I gotta give you that. I gotta give you that. Yeah. That was believable, dog.

1:05:18That was believable. Try my best.

1:05:20That was believable, Joe.

1:05:22My best, dog. You know what I'm saying?

1:05:23Yeah.

1:05:24Out here. All right, there you go.

1:05:26Ah, that's gonna be some bamboo stuff. All right, Philly. Man, why you hold it feel like you're holding the cards hard like you? Nah, I ain't gonna read this one. All right.

1:05:42Oh, you played one of my joints. Yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, hold on. Did you read it?

1:05:46You want me to read it?

1:05:47No, no, no. I don't want you to read it. Do you want me to read it? No, I was just making sure that, you know.

1:05:51And what do you what are you what are you trying to make sure?

1:05:53You was having no comprehension issues. Nah, I don't

Let's Argue: The Law Changed, Should He Serve Time?

1:05:57like I couldn't read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that's that. Crazy.

1:06:02Okay, a man did something in the past that is now illegal, but the law changed. Should he be arrested and have to serve time to defend your answer?

1:06:13No, what? No, of course he no. That's like selling weed. Or weed, of course not. Be arrested. Look, we might listen. Listen. And I move everything from the context of you know of uh you know being black folk. Man, hold on, hold on. Let me see. Hold on. Hold on. Nah, changing my answer.

1:06:37You can't. You can't. You already chose your answer. Keep going.

1:06:40Okay. So hold on. They did something that wasn't illegal.

1:06:43No, they did something in the past that is now illegal. The law change should he be arrested and have to serve time.

1:06:51Damn.

1:06:52I wanted to go somewhere else with it.

1:06:54Nope. You already keep keeping it.

1:06:56Yeah, man. Nah. Like let him say, oh, you know what I'm saying? If it was illegal, wow, you can't arrest me. You can't reparations arrest me. Nah, bruh. So no.

1:07:06No? No. The law's the law. The law's the law. When you broke it, it was illegal. So you should you should do time. You should do it.

1:07:13When you broke it, it wasn't illegal.

1:07:14No, when you broke it, it was illegal. When you broke the law, it was illegal, but they changed the law. And so now it's not it's not illegal. So so because of that, you didn't read it at all. I I read it. Let me see it again. So because of that, you should you should serve your time. It was illegal at the at the point in time that it happened.

1:07:34No, see, you young, I told you with your comprehension. Go ahead, say it. I knew it. Listen to the question, dog. A man did something in the past that is now illegal.

1:07:46Right. So it's saying what I'm saying. Hold up. Oh. Oh. Oh. That is now illegal. Alright, keep it going.

1:08:00He did something in the past that is down illegal. My bad. My bad. The keyword was down. Down illegal. I skipped now. I skipped now. Young. Read it. Read it again.

1:08:19In the past that is now illegal. The law changed. Right. Should he be a president and have to serve time, young?

1:08:29We botched that. We bought that. You botched it. So you said what was your answer?

1:08:37What was your answer? Yeah, you let me down, though. You let me down. What was your answer?

1:08:45What was your answer?

1:08:47I told you my answer. What was your answer? My answer was no. Like if you did something in the past that wasn't illegal, no, you can't have you can't get reparations locked up. Like it was what it was during that time. Okay. No, you can't lock me up now.

1:09:02Okay. And I'm saying that if they found it illegal now, it should have been found illegal then. So you should still get locked up because you knew in your heart of hearts that it would eventually be illegal, but you did it anyway.

1:09:18So why did you do this, y'all? On the first episode back. It is what it is. Why did you do this, y'all? It is what it is. Yeah. Oh my god, yeah. Okay, that's a good ending point. It is. It is. No, oh yeah, it's a good ending point, yeah. Hey, hey.

Outro

1:09:35All we got left now, yeah.

1:09:36Yeah, we back, man. Black and Victorious podcast. Uh, all of that good stuff, man. We we go we're gonna keep releasing. We're gonna have some surprises for you. Uh, yeah. Play the music. Play the music.